Forget what “They” Say. Write Your Life Story

The other day I realized that we can be  very negative about life, and most times we don’t even realize it. I realized this after a conversation I had with my loved one, about my 30th birthday which is in a few days.

“Welcome to the 30s, where nothing works. Where your body doesn’t do what you want it to….” on and on she went, telling me about the negative aspects of the next decade of my life. I laughed it off, but later realized that we go through life hearing different versions of that negative narrative, until we believe it.

This morning during my run, I realized I have lived a pretty extraordinary life (something else we are not supposed to admit right? Life is supposed to be tough and ordinary). I have done things few people have, and accomplished quite a bit in the last 3 decades, but in each aspect, I have not been short of discouraging narrative….

– When I decided to get a baby: “What do you know about adoption? An adopted baby is never yours. Parenting is so hard, your life will never be the same.” I went ahead and became a mom, and for the first month, the narrative was “wait until you start weaning, that’s where the real stress is”. Then weaning came and passed. Then I was told to wait for terrible 2s, which are supposed to start at 15 months. Well, we are at 18 months, my LO is a precious, even tempered happy baby.

– “They” say that mothers and daughters can only be friends later in life. My mom and I have had a great relationship since I was in my late teens.

– After my accident, the doctor said I shouldn’t try running. “They” kept telling me to take it slow (with good intention of course). Well, I am not David Rudisha, but I have run 2 half marathons so far, and the best is yet to come.

– “They” say you have to work for at least 10 years to make CEO. I did it in 7. I didn’t set out to break this record, and I can’t say it has been easy, but it can be done.

What am I trying to say? You are the author of your life, and if you sent your mind to achieve something, you will do it, no matter what “they” say. Actually, what “they” say should serve as fuel, to power you to accomplish what “they” say is impossible.

This morning as I was meditating on the crazy things I have done, I came up with a few pointers to designing your life story, no matter what “they” say.

1. You have got to believe you can do it: In a largely negative environment, it is easy to follow the path of least resistance, which means you life a “normal life”. You’re born, you go to school, get employed in a job you hate, club all weekend to get over the job you hate, get married, have an ordinary boring marriage, get kids, grow old, retire and die. Bleh! I don’t want that life!

If you don’t want that life too, you have got to believe that you can write a different life story.  Belief in yourself is key, because along the way, you will encounter a number of people who readily tell you that you cannot do it. What if you don’t believe in yourself enough? See second point below…

2. Surround yourself with people who believe you can do it: For about 5 years of my career, I felt like a fraud, and it was a matter of time before someone found me out (I sometimes still feel like a fraud). I succeeded in a lot of things, but all felt like a fluke. I rarely sought out challenges because I didn’t believe in myself enough. However, I had a group (yes a group) of mentors and bosses who had crazy belief in me. They gave me challenging assignments which I took on, sometimes kicking and screaming. They gave me pep talks, called me out when I was being chicken (or immature). I owe my success to my mentors. I find it very useful to have at least 2 people in your life who have succeeded where you are struggling, and who you are willing to be real with.

3. Be intentional about it: When I became a mom, I knew NOTHING about motherhood. The longest I had ever baby sat was 3 hours. However, I knew the kind of mom I wanted to be, and the way I wanted my daughter to grow up. So I visited other moms and observed them in action, listened to their advice, and read countless books. Of course I sieved a lot of the advice I got, but at the end of the day, I knew what to do in the first year of motherhood. It has been a breeze (“They” were wrong), and my LO’s first year development is as I wanted it to be.

I am no authority in parenting (I doubt anyone ever is), but I can say this with authority: Once you set out to achieve something, you need to be intentional, otherwise you will get distracted along the way. Intentionality means getting all the information you need, acting on it, reviewing progress, correcting yourself whenever you get off course etc. You have to be conscious of the fact that you are trying to beat the odds.

4. Share your goal with as few people as possible: The religious believe that talking too much about your dreams brings about interference in the spiritual realm. They have a point. Research has shown that the more you talk about what you’re going to do, the lesser the likelihood of you doing it. Talking about intent brings about the same psychological satisfaction as actually doing it. The researchers have a point too.

In my opinion, talking too much about what you’re going to do attracts the “theys”, which could easily discourage you or get you off track. Share you dream with people who you need to accomplish it, then talk about it once you’re well on the path to accomplishing it.

5. You only fail when you stop trying: This isn’t some motivational crap people say. It is true. For as long as you’re trying to do something, you haven’t failed. They say life is short, I say life is long enough for you to accomplish great things. Sometimes you will fail, but if you believe you need to do it, keep trying. Running isn’t a habit for me (yet), but I keep trying. Sometimes I go for months without seriously training, but I am always trying because this is something I need to do. For as long as you are alive, keep trying.

6. Have crazy belief in others: When you meet someone trying to accomplish something, encourage them. If you tried it before and failed, share the lessons, but do not tell them it cannot be done. Don’t be one of “them”. Encouragement and positivity is contagious, let others catch it from you.

There you have it. Do you have goals (big and small) you set at the beginning of the year but have fallen by the wayside because you listened to “them”? Be encouraged,  start writing your life story today, and make it a great story.